"There she blows!"

June 26, 2012 Port Townsend, WA
In a press release early this week, Anissa J. Haywood of Lake Geneva, WI made a public announcement about her official retirement from whale watching cruises. "I've been on a lot of whale watching excursions throughout my 17 years of marriage," she said in her retirement speech, "some complete natural highs and others complete torture. After this week's miserable experience, it's time to throw in the towel once and for all. I kept holding out hope that 'next time' would be better, but I just can't keep letting my children see me like this." It's truly a heartbreak for this whale lover, but her stomach reportedly doesn't hold up to the waves. Eye witnesses reported that she kept blowing chunks off the back deck of the ship, while her doting children kept passing her paper towels and fresh barf bags. To make matters worse, she was being continually pelted with icy ocean sprays and blasted with frigid gusts of wind, all the while breathing in toxic engine fumes. Upon investigation as to why she was in the back near the fumes, the first mate explained that it was "drier" than the front of the ship. Captain Pete reported that it was 'unfortunate conditions' and only about 20% of their excursions are this choppy. According to her husband, Joey D. Haywood, he had tried to talk her out of going on the trip, but she insisted. During a brief pause in throwing up, she told him through chattering teeth and a raspy voice raw from stomach acid, "Next time I beg to go on a whale watching trip, hide the credit card from me!" One does have to ask, "...and she paid to have this horrific experience???" Other witnesses on the ship reported seeing her body shiver violently from being soaked and cold, and overhearing her cry out to God for the rapture to come. Another woman who was seasick and spent a lot of time on the back deck with Anissa, reported hearing her murmur something about flashbacks from Maine. It's too bad her long run of whale watching had to end on a bad note, but at least she got to see some killer whales breaching.